I got a WHAT?!
I don't consider myself the prudish type. I am a very outgoing, outspoken kind of person. But considering recent events I think, looking from the outside in, I might possibly have been considered a prude by others. When I asked my cousin she told me I'm not a prude, I'm just "vanilla". Yeah, um, ok....???
Now, let me lay out these "recent events" for you:
The city I live and work in acquired its first official "adult business". Upon the owner's finding out that i have not ever owned or used the "toys" which would be sold at his establishment, he has been bound and determined to get me to shop there ever since. (I have not)
The owner of this business has more recently decided to run for elected office. When he made this known to me, he proposed that I be his campaign manager, and in return for doing so, he would give me a free silver bullet. I thanked him kindly for the offer, but did not accept.
Well, let me remind you of his bounded determinedness (i think i just made that up, but you know what i mean). One day, week before last, he delivered to me, via yummy-cop, said Silver Bullet. Oh, it was wrapped discretely in a bright yellow Dollar General Store bag. Yummy-cop insisted I take it, because he was NOT taking it back. I shoved it under my desk and there it sat through the weekend and into the next week. The business owner came to my work place and asked if i thought about him over the weekend. I told him no. My naivety (and forgetfullness) allowed me to keep a straight face. A few seconds later I remembered the "gift" under my desk from him. Jokingly i said "i looked at it but i don't know how to work it" (i really hadn't...it was still wrapped just like he sent it) he laughed and gave me these simple instructions "pop in two batteries, turn it on, and hang on!"
This weekend I got curious. I was free of kids. I decided to go to the office and make a fast break with the toy in tow.
At home, i followed the simple instructions i was given....and holy hell people "hang on" is an understatement! Now I will be the first to tell you that I'm the kind of girl that is all about oral sex. This little instrument is .... well.....da bullet is da bomb!!!!
I was... feelin' good... in well under a minute. So I did it again....and again!
Ladies and gentlemen......meet my new best quick fix friend!!!
Now, let me lay out these "recent events" for you:
The city I live and work in acquired its first official "adult business". Upon the owner's finding out that i have not ever owned or used the "toys" which would be sold at his establishment, he has been bound and determined to get me to shop there ever since. (I have not)
The owner of this business has more recently decided to run for elected office. When he made this known to me, he proposed that I be his campaign manager, and in return for doing so, he would give me a free silver bullet. I thanked him kindly for the offer, but did not accept.
Well, let me remind you of his bounded determinedness (i think i just made that up, but you know what i mean). One day, week before last, he delivered to me, via yummy-cop, said Silver Bullet. Oh, it was wrapped discretely in a bright yellow Dollar General Store bag. Yummy-cop insisted I take it, because he was NOT taking it back. I shoved it under my desk and there it sat through the weekend and into the next week. The business owner came to my work place and asked if i thought about him over the weekend. I told him no. My naivety (and forgetfullness) allowed me to keep a straight face. A few seconds later I remembered the "gift" under my desk from him. Jokingly i said "i looked at it but i don't know how to work it" (i really hadn't...it was still wrapped just like he sent it) he laughed and gave me these simple instructions "pop in two batteries, turn it on, and hang on!"
This weekend I got curious. I was free of kids. I decided to go to the office and make a fast break with the toy in tow.
At home, i followed the simple instructions i was given....and holy hell people "hang on" is an understatement! Now I will be the first to tell you that I'm the kind of girl that is all about oral sex. This little instrument is .... well.....da bullet is da bomb!!!!
I was... feelin' good... in well under a minute. So I did it again....and again!
Ladies and gentlemen......meet my new best quick fix friend!!!
posted by Becka at 1:27 PM
3 Comments:
Well girl, it's about damn time that you discovered the pleasure that can be had SANS a man!
Happy future toy ventures!
But are you going to become his campaign manager now you have found you get a buzz out of it?? ;)
No, I'm not. I told him I would need nothing less than a jack-rabbit. LMAO
Post a Comment
<< Home